Abstract Divorce is very painful arena for someone’s life as it disturbs the whole life of two partners, it is even painful if one is having child. In addition, the children’s interests are often ignored when the parents are engaged in bitter courtroom battles. One should know about the causes of matrimonial disputes so that they can be avoided.
Due to unfulfilled needs and desires, matrimonial disputes occurs which can ruin the one’s life and can’t be restored again very easily. It leaves very deep impact on life of people having matrimonial disputes which leads to divorce.
Black’s Law Dictionary defines divorce as “the legal separation of man and wife.” The New Brittanica – Webster Dictionary defines divorce as “a complete legal dissolution of a marriage. “Interestingly, however, marriage has a much broader definition. Brittanica – Webster defines marriage as “the institution whereby a man and a woman are joined in a special social and legal relationship for the purpose of making a home and raising a family”. Thus, it is interesting to see that marriage is viewed as a legal and social union of two people; however, divorce is merely viewed as the legal termination of said marriage. These definitions in and of themselves highlight one of the basic problems that occur when a couple chooses to divorce. Namely, although the legal system is equipped to deal with the legal problems that the couple faces when divorcing, it does not address nor is it equipped to deal with the social and emotional issues that confront the couple. Once the emotional or social issues are dealt with, it makes the resolution of the legal issues that much easier. Taking it a step further, what most people really are arguing about is not legal or financial issues, but rather arguments fueled by their desire to get some form of revenge for a perceived wrong by the other spouse. Once each of the participants is helped and supported to resolve the emotional and social issues, however, they are in a much better position to deal effectively with the legal and financial issues.
- CAUSES OF DIVORCE:-
Number of causes of divorce includes money issues, sexual life, unwelcoming habits, responsibility, in-laws, lack of communication, and many more . Other causes can be as discussed below: A. Lack of Individual Identity A co-dependent relationship is not healthy. When you don’t have your own interests or the opportunity to express yourself outside of coupledom, you become “couple dumb”. If you are not comfortable doing things without your partner, or you don’t know what kind of music, movies, or food you used to like, you are likely in deep and you probably feel like you are drowning and don’t know why. B. Becoming Lost in the Roles Just as many couples “forget” their single friends and single ways when they get married, when you add children into the mix, most parents soon neglect or completely forget that they are a couple. C. Not Having a Shared Vision of Success Everything changed when we got married!”, He drives you crazy because you’re a saver and he’s a spender. Your idea of a weekend getaway is a cozy cottage in the woods; your partner wants to the hit the town and catches a game. He thinks it’s your job to cook and clean, but you disagree.
- INTIMACY:- Somewhere in a marriage there is a subtle change in the intimacy department. One person has an off day, there is a misunderstanding or someone doesn’t feel well and then he isn’t as romantic or she isn’t as sexual. Whoever is the one with the subtle change can trigger a downward spiral in the intimacy department. Men generally need sexual receptivity to feel romantic and women generally need romance to be sexual receptive. As long as both people are getting what they need, they willingly provide what the other person wants. However, when there is a lessening on either’s part that can trigger a pulling back in the other. If gone unnoticed and unchecked, before the couple realizes, they are seriously intimately estranged and wonder what happened. This can lead to divorce as couples begin to feel unloved and unappreciated.
- UNMET EXPECTATIONS:- Somewhere written into a human’s genetic code lie the instruction that when a person isn’t happy, he or she is supposed to force his/ her significant to make the changes required to make the unhappy person happy again. This usually takes the form of complaining, blaming, criticizing, nagging, threatening, punishing and/or bribing.
- FINANCES:- It’s not usually the lack of finances that causes the divorce, but the lack of compatibility in the financial arena.
- BEING OUT OF TOUCH:- It is about physical contact. Of course, sex is great, but you also need to supplement it with little hello and goodbye kisses, impromptu hugs and simply holding hands. Couples who don’t maintain an intimate connection through both sexual and nonsexual actions are destined to become virtual strangers.
- DIFFERENT PRIORITIES AND INTERESTS:- Having shared interests and exploring them together is essential for a successful marriage. Of course, having “me time” is important as well, but unless you can find common passions and look for ways to experience them together, you’ll inevitably grow farther and farther apart.
- INABILITY TO RESOLVE CONFLICTS:- Every couple has disagreements. The key is to develop ground rules so that each partner feels respected and heard. Sometimes it takes a third party “referee” to help define those rules and teach us to move through the charged emotions so resentments don’t linger.
- EXPERT’S ADVICE:- After divorce, many experts recommend following points to be remember while handling small kids:
- BE HONEST:- Child should know what is happening, some people do not tell their children which is wrong, this hiding attitude make child stressful.
- ASSURE THEM IT WILL BE OKAY:- It is your duty to assure child that it will be ok in future, explain them heartily so that they can understand the problem.
- LET THEM KNOW IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT:-
Most children blame themselves in some way for what has happened. For example, they may think that this may not be happening had they been well behaved. Don’t tell them the ins and outs of the divorce, but do make sure you tell them that in no way this is their fault and you both still love them very much.
- COME TO AGREEMENTS WITH YOUR EX:-
Talk to your ex about your children and come to agreements together about thing you will both do to make sure your children are not scared by the process, however amicable or unpleasant the divorce may be. For example, decide that you will never put each other down in front of your children. Even though you are not together, you must show a united front
Divorce is a potential minefield in terms of the impact it can have on the parties, their children and their extended families . Counseling should be one method to overcome the problem of matrimonial disputes as the study showed that after counseling, couples became more confident and had a greater sense of responsibility.
FOR MORE DETAILS CALL:
Adv. Gajanan Rahate
E_mail: [email protected]